The kind of subjects that come up, here in this house (in this third year of the apocalypse).
Testing for covid: No! you say, don't, don't trouble yourself. don't mess with the old blood brain barrier. And the he test? worthless honey, the test it's .....and you tell them yet again… viral fragments, amplified cycles, and like, what Cary Mullins who invented the test said..... They listens like they're indulging you? with slivers of actual attention though, you bank on that.
My darling daughter says she isn't going to test, she doesn't want to test, she knows, she's got it. And if she hasn’t got it what in fxxk's name ails her? What? She's vaxxeded, she's tired she’s sick, she's sick and tired of …having covid, covid's come to live in her.... She's tired. She thinks each time will be the last time, thinks, she never asked for this, she thinks. She shuts you down whenever you decide to speak, to say the words. you know she can't, will not allow.... the boogey man... in here. The airless invalid place she’s in, no air no breeze, no talk of vaccine’s damage here.
And Damage: Yeah I mean I knew, I knew that... all about like... myocarditis? LI knew that.’ The boy's on fire now, didn't take the damn thing! Like I knew! I knew Dad's friend in Mayo, and I mean a girl I know, like Jade, she messaged me, about her heart? (it is my heart.... my heart, my heart is fucked! she said)....like fucked, on tablets now. Her heart is damaged so, you say? (your own heart swells) and he says no! It’s only... mild like... temporary , like....she will get better , lifelong damage/ no!
You think about your hard campaign to hold him back from this ...experiment…you look at him, into the eye, you say to him 'don't glory baby, boast on how you didn't do it, dismiss the mRNA, the hydra gel , the nano particles working in your friends. ' I mean the damage...done, I mean, the... myocarditis, you say then, pin pricking sweat beginning in you, mycarditis leaves it scars across the beating heart, ir, myocarditis, seizes breath, it hobbles the great muscle, sooner later, day after day, week after week, year after year until ...I mean there IS no coming back ( you foolish child). The Tablets for your shortened life....and thats the tragedy .. thats the reality ....that the truth.."
He will not have it. No! thats wrong!, thats wrong, he shouts it, he shoves it back on you.... the Tablets fix...your life, you do not have to have a shorter life. You’re wrong. I know your'e wrong, I do not want this in my head, I will not talk about this any more, it's you, it's you, its you that ....keeps on…you!
Ah Yes. It's you, its you who brings the darkness in here, opens doors into all their safe spaces, their lovely lives. Why do it even.. Why? Why speak at all, why try to seed the information on the wind that finds it's way inside, to enter always past such fierce rejection! Ah You, your words chase hard on the heels of your own people, your children fleeing before you, desperate to un-hear un-know, to reach their safe places. Safe
It's only shock, you know, it's only shock and hardship, pain up close and personal, will wake these people up, you want to take this pain in-to you, neutralise what cannot now be stopped..to spare them..
shock shakes us free from lies, Some truther said. You hope that this is not, absolutely alwaystrue.
The monkey pox: The boy assures you knowingly that monkey pox, the monkey pox, is not a problem, it's not a problem? like, it's cured by the smallpox....vaccine! What? Say what? you unpick this, you do, you wonder is he expressing an intention, to actually get a booster small pox vaxx ??? or what is it he thinks he knows and what it is you'll have to say to him, to them, patient, tactfully, .... until the dam bursts in you ( every time) and "it's fxxking shingles! son!' according to their bullshit pictures; fxxking shingles vaaxed induced. His friends oh lots of them have shingles now...you know, they know, what do they know or what retain in mind...He's putting in his earphones now , bored with you, hey you are bored with you, your lack of tact, your ever resurrecting need to 'out' the lies,. His sister stands lips pressed, her words however carved on air, I do not care I do not care....to be disturbed, distracted, in this place I live, I live now, waiting for my lovely life to come again, I will have my lovely life...I will not have the windows battered, doors kicked hard with narratives, and threats. I am I will create. I will not have this damage, monkey pox....I will not...
And down the pub (an interlude)
You tell your farming friend your growing lettuce, onions, adn potatoes pots of them against the rationing, the coming hunger, agains tcoercion and dependance, additives. No, he says, ah no, sure his is Ireland here? I saw Joe Riley with a trailer full of carrots yesterday, going off to sell them see, there's plenty of food were tppgrowing here, of course there is. I ask him is he going anything himself, and has he heard of all the food plants burning in America and other places, fertiliser rotting in Ukraine, containers sitting in Beijing, the two year slowing down destructions of ehe lockdown, trucks that cant find parts to repair, farmers paid leave off farming, government's cutting off the tap for rebels, Has he? has he? No. But that's because it isn't actually a thing at all? It's just the virus, and the Ukraine war. It's just the fucking genocide, you say, its just the genocide you have to see it or it will not stop. He tells you that you're scaring him now...leavess you there with a comical look, a hint of panic...you think again about the women burned and drowned in other centuries, witches offed.
Convenience of being chipped
And, all the while your dearest daughter struggles slipping over/under well unwell. Started with her left foot. Travelling to the knee the spine. And confinemetn on a couch for months, a myriad of doctors appointments trips to ED, theories....like it's bad shoes? old injuries, mono. Her theories in fact, doctor sbieng clueless. literally. Verging on the get out clause of psychosomatice,. My theories take another path. We do the mainstream "healers" and never have I ever spoken to so many regular medics never argued )you go your own way adn steer car) believe they had nothing. A kind of glaze faced denial maybe. And so on to the alternatives, acupuncturelists, spinal manipulators, one mighty hands on healer form the West. A laying on of hands on of hands until she she left the couch picking up the threads of her life again, albeit with weakened limb and fragile spine. Able fro a kind of return to her wonderful life songwriting, music, Dublin friends able to recite the precise condition, spinal origin of her months decline, when asked. Ikeep my diagnoses to myself. It's over! til she got a cold in March and has ti still, sore throat her head so heavy, tired tired always now. Over/under under/cover health. Now it's mono, or it's maybe covid, being run down, here hers eyes go dar. There was this good day last week when she told me paying fro everything on the phone app was just handy and (she wasnt saying she owed do it but wouldn't it be handy being chipped
You compromise yourself, you help them hold up narratives, close your eyes to the matrix unravelling as we knit. You only want a little time, a few more days and weeks for them to have what is so desperately held on to. You want a slow and kind unravelling while they learn, accept, adjust and wonder in meaning of Apocalypse.
