I was a man, I was a fighter, suicide....
Bomber of lover of.... virgins.
Soldier.....of caliphate,
walked out that night, strapped in my best... fake suicide belt.
Planned for it,
dreamed of it,
imagined it,
In red hot heat for it,
dreamed,
I dreamed of it.
It was all,
I had left,
in my head.
I was a man, I could....I would
act.
I would kill for it.
Kill.
I would finish the Infidel.
For Allah who choose me.
He choose me,
at last, he choose me.
He saw
me.
At last.
In the shadow days drinking and drugging and jail
he called to me,
sang to me,
Better than meths when he called to me
better that sex with whores, the hard drinking,
Pure. It was pure,
burning,
love.
That's me in the picture,
there
I am,
there, shot to pieces,
I am down,
I am down on the ground,
there's no heaven,
the virgins
are clawed howling sirens.
No Allah.
all screaming and muddle,
the people go under the wheel.
I see them, see,
a child slipping, down
to be ground...
I see
the divine vision wither, and Allah abandon me then.
All noise and confusion and screaming. Then.
In the van I am,
screaming,
there,
to go back,
make it stop,
but we had to go...
on.
We are stabbing at throats we are missing our mark we are stopping the wide open mouths of the infidel.
I am waiting for
hoping for
listening hard
for the high holy roll,
come again to me
back to me.
I call to him,
then.
see myself in the eyes of the people I cut
I am (monsteralieninhumanthing)
when they got to me,
shot at me,
finished me
then.
I lie, I lie.
I go back, I try...
to go back to the first flaring fire of the ecstasy,
turn,
to turn back from the lie,
from becoming
this shit sodden thing,
on the road.
no woman, no loving, no warm beating heart,
I have cut myself
off,
from connection.
I have snuffed out my own slice of life.
Allah too he,
forsake me,
never came to me,
here,
like they said to me.
....promised me.
Is he here? Is that him in the Infidel's eyes and I finish him too.
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